Suppose you have neighbors, which is a big mistake on their part, but they're the ones who bought the shack next door, ignoring the flags and banners out front. White Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, I Support The Second Amendment, Illegal Aliens Will Be Shot - Survivors Will Be Shot Again... that type of signage. That, and your Trump/Vance/Victory! sign.
You, a red blooded, whiskey swilling, natural born U.S. Citizen, have two little rituals you observe every day. At dawn, you have Trixie (a local exotic dancer) stop by and raise the American Flag while you blow Reveille on your trumpet. Trixie is dressed in a red, white, and blue bikini. At sunset, you have Candy (another exotic dancer) stop by and lower the flag while you play taps. Candy, being very patriotic, is also dressed in a red, white, and blue bikini.
Your neighbor objects. You ignore him. He calls the police, who arrive in time for taps. They stand at attention and salute the flag, admire Candy, and thank you for your service, support and patriotism. Then they advise you about your neighbor's complaints.
The local HOA gets involved, and you tell them (six elderly busybodies) to go fart up a flagpole. The HOA has a lawyer on retainer, so after six months you, the HOA, and the idiots next door wind up in court, Judge Paul Goldner presiding. After hearing more than anyone would care to about the case, the Honorable Judge Goldner commences to lecture. Blah-blah civic minded, blah-ba-blah peaceful neighborhood, blah blah noise ordinance, disturbing the peace, and menacing. Do you have anything you'd like to say?
"Judge, when they circumcised you, they threw away the wrong part."
Okay, then...
Ninety days and five grand later, you erect a new flagpole, celebrate your release, and resume your little 'good morning world!' flag ceremony.
I wrote this is the spirit of entertainment and to smoothly segue into today's malfunction. Keep reading all those of you with rhino hides and a penchant for common sense.
