Monday, October 15, 2018

Widener's Revisited


About ten or more days ago (time flies when you're old and half in the bag most of the day), some enterprising ne'er-do-well offered me some cheese if I'd give them a free plug.  I really didn't think there was anything in it, but what the hell, right?  They offered a $25 gift certificate for a shameless commercial plug, and I snapped it up.  Well, I was a bit bored and it was after five o'clock eastern standard time.  What I expected was a gift certificate good for $25 off your order when you spend $250 or more, because why not?

But that's not what happened.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Quora Question: What does it feel like to be shot with a .22 caliber firearm?

Much as I'd like to oblige this genius with a first hand experience, this could be a legitimate question from a somewhat morbidly curious 8 year old.  So on June 28, 2017, I posted an answer.

Commercial Message from Widener's

I got this in my email today.  I haven't read my email in a few days, so it's a bit out of date.  Still and all, the advertisement is supposed to earn me a $25 gift certificate - hey, who can't use $25 worth of ammo, right? - and a chance to win free ammunition for one year.  Whatever that may mean.

Here's a copy of the email Jacob sent me.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Quora Question: Will it be ok to become a dancer if I am a transgender man?


I would say no.  No, it isn’t acceptable to become a dancer if you are a transgender man.  I say this for two reasons:

1. Dancing is an art form that requires a lot of passion and self-expression. People who succeed at dance are invariably sensitive and emotionally brittle. They don’t bend, but they do tend to break easily.

2. The world in general isn’t ready for an artist like you. You’ll draw unreasonable criticism from critics who know little to nothing about dance, but who know a vulnerable target when they see one. Even with a solid emotional support network, you’ll be under severe emotional strain and it will affect your dancing.

Best of luck to you.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Fan Email

To: Old Acquaintance
From: Mad Jack

My dear Old,

I'm sorry, but I really can't remember you.  You say we first met at a dance competition in Columbus, or we danced together and got a first (place award) in Columbus?  Or are you trying to say that I was your first, and we were at a dance competition in Columbus?

My memory isn't what it should be.

Yours,

Mad Jack

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Old TV: Leave It to Beaver


Leave It To Beaver was a situation comedy that ran for 235 episodes from 1957 - 1963.  The preteen hero (Beaver) was always getting into a trivial crises by doing something so completely stupid that even a retarded ten year old wouldn't try it if you bribed him with a banana split.  Twenty minutes of canned laughter later the crises would get straightened out, and Beaver's father Ward would deliver a homiletic reprimand while the rest of the family suffered his didactic pontification in silence.  Occasionally Wally would beg for surcease, which served to drag the episode out.

Well, time passes as time is wont to do, and a while back someone asked me -

Monday, September 3, 2018

Sexual Harassment


Photo courtesy of AP Press via Page Six

Aretha Franklin (March 25, 1942 – August 16, 2018) died recently, and Motown gave her a real sendoff.  The funeral service lasted eight hours and change, and if you were deep in Left field and were anybody, you were invited to attend.  Somebodies sat up front, friends of somebodies got the second row, and so on - all the way back to the nosebleed seats on the sidewalk outside.  Well, that's Detroit for you.  They really know how to do a send off in Detroit.

A few hours into the service noted vocalist and nuevo moonbat personality Ariana Grande got up and performed (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.   After she took a bow and dropped the mic, she went over to join the emcee, Bishop Charles H. Ellis III, who put his arm around her and copped a feel.  An extended feel.

I saw a photo of it, and I truly believed that the photo had to be photoshopped.

I was wrong.


Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Midnight Shooter

Well, he's back.  I wrote about him here , posted about him on Craig's List (the post got flagged by some pencil neck geek and removed).  So now he's back.

On Monday, August 27th, 2018 at or around 11:55 PM, some deranged pinhead torched off three shots about 25 yards or so from my house.  I called the Columbus PD and reported it as shots fired, and the dispatcher assured me that a unit would be sent to the area to investigate.  Then she wanted to know if I'd like to speak with the police in person.

No.

I was just falling off to sleep when (I suspect) Tyrone torched off a single, followed by a double tap.  This isn't the first time, and it won't be the last.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

These Roads Are Not Safe!

My nephew Albert turned 16 last week.  His father, Shotgun Bob, brought him down South for a little visit.  I collected Big Mike and 88, and we all went out to dinner.  During this momentous occasion I debated about just what sort of wisdom I should impart to the little fellow as he achieved a state of mobility, approached high school graduation at a snail's pace, and now (thanks to Shotgun Bob) has a rolling bedroom.

So... somewhere between the second and fifth martini, I said, 'Albert?' I said.  'Albert, stop drooling over the tits at the next table and pay attention.  I've got something to tell you, and it's important.'

'Just when do you not have something important to say when you're half in the bag, Uncle Jack?'

'When I'm asleep or lost deep in thought.  Roughly the same thing.  So... where was I?  Ah.  Here we go...'

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Three Wheel Death Trap

I've always liked cars.  Actually, I like anything with a motor - even riding lawnmowers.  The push mower you can keep and give to your teenage son or daughter, who clearly needs more exercise to remain a healthy and productive member of your family.

I saw this article on Rueters: Swiss Brothers Get Ready to Refloat the Bubble Car (August 16, 2018).  This might be a good idea in Switzerland, but not in the U.S.

Friday, August 17, 2018

Jay Austin and Lauren Geoghegan Dead Right There (DRT)

The dust cloud (well, one of them anyway) you're watching is the fuss over Jay Austin and Lauren Geoghegan, two citizens of the United States who took off on a shoestring bicycle journey around the world and ended up dead in a You-Name-It-Stan ditch.

Keep reading for a hardhearted look at them and the news media.  Warning: This missive is politically insensitive, personally insensitive, and hasn't been screened for trigger warnings, politically incorrect speech, and other bad things.  Read at your own risk.  Your mileage may vary.