Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I like reading The S.N.A.F.U. Report. The author hates everyone equally and is fairly creative with his hate speech, which I can appreciate. Anyway, some well meaning pervert tagged him for a questionnaire of sorts; you can read his answers at Tagged And Bagged. I decided to take the quiz myself, as it's a great time waster. Read it and you may gain a few insights into my own twisted sense of humor. Or something.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
Yes, I have pets, and yes, they are members of my family. Last time I got back from the road Main Lady asked me who I was happier to see, her or the dog. I took too long to answer.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Oh, I would dream about world peace where everyone would all just learn to get along together and accept each other for what we really are... beautiful inside, you know, where it counts.

Or, on the other hand, I could select a prominent freedom hating liberal, shove a gold handled cattle prod up his or her fundament and do the Mad Jack pogo stick dance instead of riding my exercise bike every day.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
Ignorance. Followed by stupidity. Hell, there really isn't any one thing. There's lots.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Give all my friends and family a taste and retire to Aruba or Thailand or somewhere.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
A perfect Manhattan, blues music, a dance floor and Main Lady. On less complicated nights the dog, Excellent Rachmaninoff, pulls me out of a bad mood.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Oh, bite me in the ass.

7. What is your bedtime routine?
Dress appropriately for the occasion and hit the sack.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
I used to teach ballroom dancing. Yeah, I really did. Dancing with the stars, that kind of thing. She was my student.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
Leonardo Da Vinci

10. What kinds of books do you read?
Hard boiled detective thrillers, horror stories, general fiction.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Given any choice at all, I wouldn't. However, I expect I won't have changed much, so I'll see what I'm accustomed to seeing.

12. What’s your fear?
Getting old, infirm and impoverished. Being in that state means that I'll be warehoused and cared for by people that are every bit as happy to see me as I am to see them.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
No. Hell no. What are you, nuts?

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
Single and rich. Because, as summed up by the Rude Dude:

'Cause if your looks won't kill your cash will knock 'em dead
I'll have a sweet steady girl
   and two on the side
And every skirt I know
   will want to be my bride

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Figure out how to get my morning coffee

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
I'd make her so fucking filthy rich that Bill Gates would die from envy.

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Ned France.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Oh sure. Right after I burned her house down and went there in the middle of the night and pissed in the ashes. Look Stupid (AKA, author of this question), anyone can forgive a transgression if they go about it the right way. The catch is that the truly ignorant among us have morphed the word 'forgive' into 'forgive and forget'. Forgiving someone for an injurious misdeed means not letting them rent space in your head. You forgive them, and they cannot cause you to lose sleep or affect your reactions to other people. Forgetting is something else entirely. No, you do not forget, because when you do you've given the perpetrator license to commit that act again.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Brown rice.

End of Quiz

This is one of the dumber questionnaires making the rounds and serves to prove that I have a case of writer's  block, that I'm slightly bored and that I'd rather screw around with this than go to the gym and exercise.


Full Metal Patriot said...

Great handling of this meme. And I'm still grinning like an idiot from your creative use of the uncommon word, "fundament." Somewhere, an English teacher in your past is smiling.

The Wolf said...

Nice answers, also thanks for the shout out. And it's not true that I hate everyone....I'm sure there's somebody living near the North Pole I might get along with. Wait that's too far to drive, meh screw it.

Mad Jack said...

Odd word, fundament. Once heard no one has ever asked just what it means. Ha!

Wolf - The North pole is too close to Canada, and you know how those Canadians are. Your best bet is to try South Dakota.