Sunday, November 18, 2012

Latest Centenarian News

I got the call around 11:00 this morning.  It was Main Lady, informing me that they are taking Centenarian off to Hospice.  Since Main Lady does not have both oars in the water, it falls to me, Mad Jack, to bring order out of chaos and catch Hell for doing so, then smile and reply, "Thank you Ma'am, may I have another?"

What else, right?  Well, I'll tell you, but first let me refer everyone to the official cast of characters so you can see who's on first, and let me also state right up front that you don't go to Hospice to get your chops cleaned.

As I write this Cottontail is high-balling it across country towards home and Que Bee One, there to resume normal activities until further notice.  I'm thinking that notice will come sooner rather than later, and since Cottontail's boss is a real fourteen carat chrome plated bitch on a pogo stick, Cottontail's request for time off for a funeral will lead to something of a falling out between employer and slave labor employee.  Knowing Que Bee One, he'll probably say something like "Huh?" and go along quietly.

Flopsy is in the Big Windy and doesn't drive or own a car, for which we can all be thankful.  Flopsy takes the Megabus to the Gravel Pit, so she's an easy 8 to 16 hours away.  Mopsy will be arriving in the Motor City tomorrow.  Yours Truly will collect her and her luggage at the Motor City Metro Airport, and barring unforeseen accidents will unite Mopsy and Main Lady tomorrow around noon.  The thing is that Flopsy will want to arrive ASAP, which is normal.  What isn't normal is Flopsy is that Flopsy and Mopsy have been arguing more than usual lately, and the arguments are getting worse.  My observation is that Flopsy starts it, Mopsy refuses to back down and Flopsy escalates exponentially.  Add to this the stress of a major (likely terminal) illness, namely old age, and then figure in Main Lady's exhaustion and the stage is set for an event that Beat and Release expects to find inside a trailer park at four in the morning. 

I'll be the voice of sobriety trying to explain familial dynamics to the tired, irritable older officer while the younger one tries to start a fight with the largest lawbreaker in the crowd.

Then we have Main Lady's half of the family, her sister Ding Bat and Ding Bat's husband, DC Law.  Main Lady was on the phone with Ding Bat yesterday and discovered that DC Law, who fell down dead, blind drunk in the bathroom two days ago and was forced to crawl back to bed, DC Law told their marriage councilor that most of the stress in Ding Bat's life was brought on by Main Lady and Centenarian.  Of course Ding Bat had to pass that along to Main Lady... why the woman won't shut the bloody hell up is more than I can understand at times.  Main Lady is suffering from exhaustion and sleep deprivation, and Ding Bat is as much help as the neighbor's neurotic dog that barks all night.

Plus it's Thanksgiving.  Happy daze!  That means that Shotgun Bob, The Girl and their newest foster child Albert will be rolling into town tomorrow and staying for a week.  This would be okay if it weren't for The Girl, who has the same feelings for me that Benjamin Netanyahu had for Yasser Arafat. Maybe more so, since Arafat cashed in his chips back in '04.


flask said...

grace and good luck be with all of you.

Anonymous said...

Having been in that same situation, I can sympathize. Supporting you from afar.

Mad Jack said...

Thanks guys. Gals and guys? I appreciate the support.