Saturday, April 15, 2017

Mad Jack Take the Snowflake Test

Some readers and a few patrons down at the local watering hole have accused me of being a bit flakey.  I vehemently deny this.  I'm as solid as an iceberg waiting for a passenger liner.  But to provide a little proof, I have decided to take the original Snowflake Test.  This is, by the way, an actual test given to prospective employees and designed to weed out the whiny, self-pitying, professional victims, SJWs, feminazis, and other undesirables before they have a chance to infest your workforce and turn the office into a non-productive study in social interactions exemplifying why it's perfectly acceptable to hate a sub-class of people based on the screeds of a subculture that should have committed mass suicide three years ago.

Start the watch, and start the test.

  1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?  I'll assume that standard benefits are health insurance with a very reasonable deductible, two weeks vacation, sick time, and Federal holidays.  Outside of an annual cost of living salary increase, that's it.
  2. What should the national minimum wage be?  Whatever the traffic will bear.  I think a national minimum wage might be set at $1.00 per hour, but the supply and demand of labor should be used to dictate the 'minimum wage'.
  3. How many sick days should be given to employees?  Literally, as many or few as they need, providing the employee is actually sick.  If a man is sick, he's sick, and he shouldn't be at work infecting everyone around him.  I caught a bad case of pneumonia because a girl three cubes down from me came to work when she was sick and contagious.
  4. How often should employees get raises?  Employees should get an annual cost of living raise.  Outside of that, employees should get a raise when they deserve it.  Performance reviews should be monthly, and should take about ten minutes or so.
  5. How do you feel about guns?  I like guns.  I enjoy shooting.
  6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?  I have good, safe feelings about my fellow employees carrying a gun.  The same thing is true about clients.  I carry a gun with me; I have an Ohio CCW license.
  7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?  I have very little idea what a safe space is, but the name makes it sound unnecessary to me.
  8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?  I'll cheerfully wear whatever the corporate dress code dictates I wear.  I would suppose that, left to their own devices, everyone would be wearing jeans to work.  I probably wouldn't wear jeans.
  9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?  Absolutely not.  Trigger warnings are stupid.
  10. How do you feel about police?  Most people (about 75%) become police because they want to help people.  A much smaller percentage (maybe 20%) become police because they enjoy exercising authority and telling people what to do.  A very small percentage (about 5%) become police because they enjoy abusing people, and may get the chance to actually shoot someone.  The latter group gets eliminated pretty quickly, and the authoritarian group is always watched by a superior officer.  All that being the case, I've found most police to be exemplary individuals and a credit to our society.
  11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?  By whose standard of ethics?  The amount of money the client is spending does not excuse or mitigate their conduct, so I'd likely fire the client and make it very clear to everyone why I did so.
  12. When was the last time you cried and why?  When my dog died.
  13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?  I'd see if I could get an introduction to him during or after the event.
  14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?  It depends on the circumstances, but a few cocktails come to mind: a dry gin martini, stirred, served ice cold and straight up; a perfect manhattan, straight up; and a French 75 is always good.
  15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?  In person, backed up with a written summary of the conversation if necessary.
  16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?  Fine dining, ballroom dancing, Latin dancing, target shooting, reading, cooking, gaming (both board and FRP).
  17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?  We're hosed.  Most graduate are heavily in debt and will never be able to pay it off in their lifetime.  Those few men and women who are not spoiled and used to being pampered and coddled will go far.  The others won't understand why the world isn't beating a path to their door to offer them a six figure income just to show up to work when they feel like it.
  18. What’s your typical breakfast?  Coffee, cereal or bacon and eggs.  Sometimes just coffee.
  19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse? I rarely go, but when I do I have a hazelnut latte.
  20. How do you handle bullies?  If they work for me, they get fired.  Otherwise, I do not tolerate their behavior.
  21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?  If there is a viable reason for my idea not working, I'll modify it so that it will work.  If the criticism is due to a co-worker's jealousy or insecurity, I'll present the idea again.
  22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?  Tell them why it sucks and won't work.  Fix it if I can.
  23. What does the first amendment mean to you?  It's one of the amendments that prevents the government from becoming a fascist dictatorship.  Without the freedoms outlined in the Fist Amendment, we wouldn't have the United States the way it is today.
  24. What does faith mean to you?  The certain sure knowledge of the real existence of an intangible.
  25. Who is your role model and why?  I have no role model as such.  I have a few people that I admire, but I have no role model and probably never did.
  26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”  Accept the offered pistol and pass it to one of my friends whom I know to be a firearms aficionado.  I have my own pistol.  We take hard cover and yell to the patrons that a mass murderer is coming in to kill them, and direct them to lay down on the floor to avoid being shot.  Allies draw your weapons and take cover.
  27. What does America mean to you?  By this I think you mean the United States.  The US is pretty much an accident, or perhaps evidence of Divine intervention.  It's unique in freedom, and in spite of all the problems we have it's the best place in the world to live.
  28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?  Assuming that I'm not supporting his cause, I pick up the flag and take it away from him.
  29. What does “privilege” mean to you?  Various privileges are earned and generally come with a lot of responsibility attached.  For every privilege awarded to you, you can bet there's a heavy load or a fat price tag attached to it.  In other words, there ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
  30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?  Both are important.  A formal education, or so-called 'book smarts' is important because it's how you learn the knowledge of others who have gone before you, but that you'll never meet nor be apprenticed to.  It's why written music was invented, so that one composer could exchange work with another.  Life experience, or 'street smarts', is the interaction with people and the applied education.  Having one without the other means that there is a learning and growth experience ahead of you.

End of Test.

These interview questions were written by Kyle S. Reyes at The Silent Partner Marketing, where Ideas are garbage, execution is everything.  The best thing I can say about Kyle is that his interview is refreshing and that I'd like to work for him.

So am I a snowflake or not?

1 comment:

CWMartin said...

I should think I would like to work for you- except all my pants are jeans, lol!