What Goes On in the Office

In the year of Out Lord One-Thousand Nine-Hundred Ninety and Nine, I landed a contract with the state of South Dakota.  My office was in Pierre, (pronounced peer, as in long walk off a short...), South Dakota.  The regular building was being remodeled, so we got moved into a refurbished department store in downtown Pierre on East Capitol Avenue, which runs NW to SE.  I was on the South side of the street  Across the street was the State Capitol Building, Capitol Lake is a man made artesian lake, and further down (SE of the lake) is the governor's mansion.

The Year 2000 crises was a big deal, and there was plenty of labor involved.  So, take ten men and put them in cubes along with one woman (Anita, who had four brothers, and who could ride, hunt, fish, shoot, drink, and swear as good as any of 'em - but she was already taken) - ten men in a large room divided into cubicles and boredom will dictate the development of mischief.

Bigfoot Fever Got Me and I Missed!

Mike Eye and me had a deal every morning.  I couldn't remember his name, so I'd walk into the office and call him Sam.  He'd call me Ralph.  These are the names of two cartoon characters, Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog.  

One fine day another contractor, One Tooth Mike, came in and said that there'd been a bigfoot sighting nearby, and suggested that we should go hunting.  Sam had a dog, Winchester, who was half Dalmatian and half Labrador (at least that's what he claimed), but I'd been hunting with him and the stupid dog would retrieve, then stand about ten feet away from you with the bird in his mouth and not want to drop it.  I suggested offering the nice doggy a little doggy snack, which sort of worked except the dog liked to bite.  I didn't have any trouble with him, as I bribed him with bacon flavored snacks and I didn't try to pet him.

Well, Larry asked One Tooth Mike where he'd heard this, and Mike said he'd heard it down at the Shamrock Bar last night.  Further questioning revealed that some other bar fly had read it on the Internet.

"Oh, well, that's gospel," Larry commented, and left the whole thing alone.  I wasn't satisfied.

I got Ruben the India Indian and said Sam and me were headed out to bag a bigfoot, and would he like to come along.  He was immediately enthusiastic, and wondered about a tent, to which Sam replied that he, Sam, had an outfitters tent and we could put straw on the ground to sleep on.

And word spread.

When you were in school, did you ever had that one guy with a 'kick me' sign affixed to his back - permanently?  We did.  Bill Mancini, a Canadian Lefty, we in the office.  He always wanted to be invited to everything, and often was, but - complications would arise.  So, one of us, and I can't remember which one, suggested that someone go across the alley to the Teton River Traders Gun Store and ask the poor but honest gun trader of South Dakota what caliber rifle would be best for bigfoot.

If you're ever in Pierre, South Dakota, hit a couple bars and ask for Cody Williams.  Somebody will call him up and tell him he's a wanted man.  Once you get hold of him, tell him howdy from Wild Bill out of Ohio, and buy him a drink.  Get him talking and you'll have a great evening, believe me.

Well, Mancini was headed out the door to go to the gun shop and I was all set to call Cody and put him wise, when Larry found out what was going on.

"Awright now, think," he said to Mancini, "you got this bigfoot idea from a bunch of bar flies down at the Shamrock Bar, and you're actually going to go to the gun store and buy a bigfoot gun?  How much of this sounds reasonable to you?"

So that was that, but we almost had him.

The guys kept talking about this hunt and wouldn't let it drop.  About three in the afternoon Sam came up to me looking a little worried and said, "We're not actually going, are we?"

I told him he could go if he liked, but I was staying home in my motel.

Eventually the whole plan fell apart for a lack of alcoholic enthusiasm, but had we followed through with it, well, bigfoot wouldn't be a myth.

Official Evidence of Bigfoot: South Dakota Magazine - Keystone Bigfoot Bash