Cancer and Rock Bottom

Last night, Wednesday, I hit rock bottom.  My digestive tract was malfunctioning in ways I couldn't believe were possible.  Nausea came in waves, accentuated by a spike in my fever.  I was so miserable I wanted to die.  Why should I live through this?  I couldn't come up with a good reason, but the effort of assembling myself, my pistol and a conveniently private place where my remains would be guaranteed to be discovered by the authorities was just too much effort.  So here I am.



The only good thing that happened last night was that when I phoned the doctor on call, I initially was referred to Doctor CrazyIndia whom I've encountered before and who speaks English about as well as I play the clavichord.  I asked the operator if she had anyone else, and she told me if I waited until 9:00 pm I could speak with Dr. Genius, who happens to be my new chemo oncologist.  His moniker reflects his position; he really is a genius, is businesslike, speaks with a slight European accent of some sort and has a dry sense of humor.  I like the man.

So at 9:15 I spoke with Dr. Genius, and when he asked how bad I felt on a scale of 1 to 10, I explained I wished I were dead.  He asked a few pertinent questions, then told me I had a choice.  Stay home and he'll see that I get treated tomorrow at the cancer center, or go to the ER.  When I said I was trying to avoid the ER, he told me that was good.  His final instruction was that if my condition worsened, I was to go to the ER anyway.

I spent all day being treated and hydrated, including another dose of chemo therapy.  Dr. Genius stopped round to see me and check on my progress, which I thought was nice of him.

I got the rest of the good news yesterday.  Up until now, things have been easy, as far as side effects go.  Now it was going to get bad, and when I don't believe it will get any worse, it'll get worse.  I'm in week six out of seven weeks, and at the end of treatment I'll have another 3 to 4 weeks of side effects before I start to heal up.  My sense of taste may never come back, and the condition of dry mouth may also be permanent.

And that's the latest.