Thursday, June 29, 2017

SJW / Moonbat Rant

I don't know how I managed this one, but somehow I wound up looking at Cosmopolitan, possibly because they featured an article entitled, Seven New Positions That Are Pure Hospital Bait - Illustrated!  Which is enough to interrupt my tenuous grasp on whatever I'm supposed to be doing.  This led me to an article written by a completely rabid bitch on a stick, which cried out for an inebriated fisking.  Continue reading at your own risk.

I stumbled across 13 Things Men Think Are Compliments but Are Actually Just Sexist by feminazi Hannah Smothers, and like a train wreck with a hazmat spill, I had to read the whole thing.  The amount of vitriol and unfounded accusations is truly monumental, and serves to show the middle aged modern man what he's up against today.  I'll take this one item at a time.  My comments are in italics.

Article Begins

Men, *sigh* bless their little hearts! Thanks to a lot of really rotten ideas about how women are "supposed" to act, there are quite a few pervasive "compliments" men like to give women that are actually just straight-up sexist. You've probably heard ... all of them. Here are 13 of these nasty "compliments" men like to give and should really stop giving.

Now think.  I know it's a completely foreign concept to you, and since you don't do it very often it's liable to be painful, but still - try.  A man finds you attractive and enjoys your company, so he tries to pay you a compliment.  You, of course, do your very best to take his compliment the wrong way.  Why would you do that, unless you hate the guy (and probably all guys) and are looking for a reason to hate him and brush him off like an annoying housefly.  Ah, well... the author continues.

1. "I like that you don't wear a lot of makeup." Sounds nice, until you realize this is just a socially acceptable way of saying, "I (wrongly) assume that any woman who puts time or care into what goes on her face is high-maintenance and therefore dislike her."
Which has more than a grain of truth in it.  Even the dumbest among us aren't going to be seriously interested in a woman who spends more time looking narcissistically into a mirror rather than at the world around her.

2. "You order whiskey/beer? That's awesome." LMAO, as opposed to ordering what, ~cHiCk DrInKs~? Too many things are already unnecessarily gendered without adding alcohol to the list.
You're late to the party, Hannah.  Go to any medium to upscale bar at happy hour and ask to see the cocktail list, and you'll find at least a dozen concoctions featuring pretty colors, specialized stemware, and garnishes that a liquor aficionado wouldn't dream of letting near his tipple of choice.  Fully a third of these will be cream drinks of some kind.  These 'cocktails' are oriented towards women, and if they didn't sell they wouldn't be on the menu.  And yeah, if I'm out with a woman and she orders a dry martini up, she's a keeper.

3. "It's cool how you like to watch sports." The problem here isn't with your mutual appreciation for athletics, it's his surprise that you care in first place. The incorrect assumption that girls can't enjoy spots is so dumb. Don't act all pleasantly surprised by this. Also, would there be a problem if a girl you liked didn't like sports? No.
He's admiring your taste in entertainment, because most women don't like watching sports.  How do I know?  Look at the commercials.  If football, baseball, or hockey was popular with women, the ads would feature feminine hygiene products and the latest in ladies fashion.  They don't.  Why?  Because, idiot, women aren't watching.  The man (Divinity save him from a fate worse than death) has just stumbled across something the two of you can do together, and you want to take it as an insult.  And yeah, there is a problem during football season - she doesn't understand why he's glued to the tube, or goes down to the local sports bar.

4. "You're not like other girls." Next time you hear this, just go ahead and assume the dude has only ever associated with women who are actually aliens that look like women. Because "not being like other girls" isn't a thing. This is just subtly throwing shade at literally every other woman he's dated.
Not every woman he's dated; every woman he's actually met and tried to exchange pleasantries with.  He's saying you're special.  You're brighter, much more talented, and a lot more fun to be around than the harpies, basilisks, and fishwives that he has to put up with every day.  You, in his opinion, are better than they are, and for some incredibly stupid reason you are trying your best to have a problem with that.

5. "It's cool how you're really into food." Ah, yes, it is cool how a woman can be "into food" despite the pressures put on us by the ~male gaze~ to be ultra-thin and only eat tiny salads in the privacy of our own homes. The best thing to say about whatever a woman chooses to eat is: nothing at all.
Again, you're special.  What makes you think men actually like looking at those ambulatory skeletons that you see on the cover of Cosmopolitan?  We don't.  Go out to a strip club and look at the strippers who take home the most cash at the end of the night.  You'll see curves and a little belly here and there.  That's what men like.

6. "You're just like one of the guys!" Where??did??you??get??these??antiquated??ideas??about??gender?!??
From! everyday! life! you! stupid! cow!!!  I don't know why you wouldn't get this, but men and women are different.  They actually think in different terms.  If he says that you are just like one of the guys, this is the highest compliment he can pay you.  He's saying that you're rational.  You have your fair share of reason and accountability.  You aren't a little fluff brained ambulatory skeleton draped in what would be a revealing cocktail dress, if you had anything to reveal besides a rib cage.  He's also saying he enjoys your company.  Go ahead, take offense at that, then do the poor schmuck the biggest favor anyone will do him this year, and ditch him.  Don't ever call him back, because he doesn't deserve the constant carping and winging he'll hear from you every time he takes you out.

7. "I like how you don't freak out about little things." This is essentially a sneaky way of saying, "Women are crybabies but you're not," or, "I can't wait to get away with literally everything in this relationship!" No, sir.
Yes Ma'am.  Women overreact to damned near everything.  He's saying you don't, which is more than just a real relief.

8. "You're so much more chill than my ex was..." This is dangerously close to a "my crazy ex" type phrase, which is always less about the ex and more about how awful of a boyfriend he probably was to her.
Trust me, she's his ex- for a reason.  She carped about everything and made the poor sap believe it was all his fault, personally.  The day he stopped buying that load of fertilizer was the best day of his life.  And don't forget that it's possible his ex- really is crazier than a sack of cats, and she may well be stalking him.  Did you pack your gat tonight?

9. "You're so cute when you're mad." Literally this is so patronizing and cringe-y — and totally negates whatever perfectly justified reason you probably had to be angry in the first place. This is a very bad attempt at changing the subject when he knows he's done wrong.
Meaning you're angry over nothing and he sees through your act.  Some women pull this crap all the time, and it gets old.

10. "You're so funny, most girls I know don't have great jokes." Sorry, but this says less about your stellar sense of humor and more about the fact that he doesn't think women are capable of exactly the same things (and TBH more) as men.
So you can tell a joke.  I kind of think this compliment, as it were, is made up out of the author's imagination.

11. "That was so ballsy of you." Can we please stop referring general badassery by using the most sensitive body part on anyone of any gender?
Number fucking one, get your ideas about gender from a biology text.  Men have balls.  Cojones, if you will.  I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but women do not have balls.  Number fucking two, No, we won't stop using the phrase just because women are generally bitchy, not ballsy.  If you pulled something off that was admirably ballsy, he might say so, and instead of getting your whatever in a wad, just smile and say thanks.  Then take your beer back and drink it.

12. "Your clothes are cool, it doesn't even look like you're trying." OK, so a couple things. One: Is he just saying you look like shit? And two: There's nothing wrong with caring about your appearance or looking like you care about your appearance. Any dude who thinks otherwise is probably boring and dumb and uncreative.
No, stupid, he isn't saying you look like shit.  If he thought you looked like shit, he probably wouldn't say anything, he'd just stop calling.  Or he might say, 'You know, you really look like shit tonight.  Why don't we call this whole thing off?'

13. "You just seem really wholesome." Read between the lines. The subtext here almost always comes from a place of disgusting slut-shaming. It's almost like saying, "I like that you look like the kind of girl who still might have am intact hymen."
Meaning you don't look or act like a stripper or a whore, and he could take you home to meet his parents without worrying that dear old Dad has seen you doing your act down at Platinum Showgirls.  Again, a compliment - you aren't a fucking slut; you're the opposite.  If you're offended by that, don't bother with this guy.  He isn't for you.  Go find an unattached motorcycle outlaw who won't slap the crap out of you more often than you need, and hook up with him.  You'll get more respect from your girlfriends that way.

The Fucking End

The article is crap and the author is (likely) a muff-munching bull dyke bitch who hates anyone and anything that makes noise when he walks.  But the point here, outside of entertainment, is that this article was published in a major women's publication with a large audience, and Cosmo would print it if it didn't sell.

This article is what they, the females, are thinking.  Consider this next time you go out on a blind date, but remember that all women aren't like this.

While I will cheerfully castigate the author of this trash, I do have a certain respect for her.  She earns a lot of money writing articles like this one, and not too many people can do that.  And, for all I know, her personal opinions might be much different than the stable dressing she's spread all over the page here.

But the smart money isn't betting that way.


Bob G. said...

Mad jack:
I gotta hand it to ' call 'em as you see 'em. I admire that.
Love the manner in which you (with precision) took apart each and every aspect of what passed for an article in this magazine.
I agree with every point you made (because I've been through most of them several lifetimes
The sad part is, too many women out there will treat such an article as GOSPEL.
Which goes to show, you CAN fool most of the people most of the time.

Very good post.

Roll safe out there.

CWMartin said...

You just gave that "chick" a reality slap! There would be no "War on women" if there were no women like this one.

Mad Jack said...

Thanks guys. I'll bet I ruffled a few feathers with this one. And yeah, the worst of it is that some women will actually think this article from Cosmo is the gospel truth. Insofar as they actually do think, anyway.