Today is Hangover Day

I've got the shakes and I can't see straight.  Today is 1/1/2020; there should be something significant here, but I can't imagine what it might be.

So.

The Ancient Aquatic Aviation Officeholder left 2019 searching for answers to life's most difficult and thought provoking questions. Buoyed by my morning bourbon and being at loose ends until 2:00 PM (I'm invited to a Hoppin' John party - whatever that is) I will provide a few answers.

Happy New Year!!!

Complete with three bangs. This is reminiscent of the midnight racket I suffered when my neighbors decided to celebrate the New Year by unlimbering their gun collection and ridding themselves of some excess ammo.

Now, on to the questions.



I haven’t found out who let the dogs out.
Lydia T. Pecksniffin, who lived next door to the Baha Boys and hated their music.

Where’s the beef?
At your local Kroger's supermarket. What? You can't find it or something?

How to get to Sesame Street.
Take I-1010 to Doodyville, Right at Mane and Clown Avenue, then straight through the lights until Sesame Street. It'll be on your left as you arrive.

Why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps.
Dora lacks an Internet connection.

Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same.
Ha! Good question. The real reason all fruit loops taste the same is profit and corn syrup.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
Three.

Why eggs are packaged in a flimsy carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails?
Have you ever tried throwing batteries at a politician? No? But eggs are better, and the packaging reflects that. Easy to unpack, easy to throw. Just imagine crazy Uncle Bernie making a speech. He gets to the part about medicare for everyone, and you want to throw something - but you can't get the damn' batteries out of the package! Meanwhile, everyone else in your group is throwing eggs.
See?

What does the fox say.
Foxes don't talk.

Why “abbreviated” is such a long word.
Because when abbreviated was invented, writers got paid by the letter. Now they get paid by the word, so everyone uses the abbr.

Why is there a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator?
Because. That's why.

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons.
Production costs, and it's a real travesty. Once a Democrat takes up residence in the double wide at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, this terrible condition will be fixed.

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections.
Same reason they cut crosses in the noses of the bullets used in a firing squad.

Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
Not to me, that's for sure. The extra penny ends up under someone's bed, along with a few wire coat hangers and odd socks.

Why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Because it's easy to remember.

Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs?
Because I'm susceptible to suggestion.

Just what exactly is Victoria’s secret?
Oh, ha-ha, ho-ho-ho. That would be telling!

Where is Waldo?
Inside that pair of shoes you can just barely see under the bed of Razor Willy's main lady.

Can you hear me now?
No, I can't hear you now. Speak up and stop mumbling!

Now my mind is hung up on how much is that doggie [STET MJ] in the window?
$10. The doggy was originally priced to sell at $75, but he's been returned twice. He chews the furniture and he bites moonbats when they looked at him funny.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
Gah! I may be violently ill.

Well, that's that.  I hope the man is satisfied, or rather pacified, and will get back to work.  Meanwhile, my glass is empty - a truly untenable condition.

Happy New Year!