Neighbor Problems - Part LXXII

 Those of you who pay attention, read this hound on a semi-regular basis, and haven't had their memory completely altered by booze and fast women may remember that in my little slice of Heaven lives a neighbor who is, charitably speaking, sub-par for the area.

I wrote about him in Neighbor Problems. Well, a few days back the mischievous little Caliban got his dick in a wringer, and I think he's been relocated.

Keep reading to see what happened.

At or around Monday, August 23^rd, 2021 at or around 9:53 PM EST the stupid eggplant decided it would be fun to spread a quart or so of melted paraffin on his driveway, spray it with charcoal lighter, and torch it off.  From my upstairs window it looked like Tyrone was starting up his grill, planning a little late night bar-b-que.  Except there was no grill.

Mortimer and Persephone (next door and relatively sane) called 9-1-1, but the dispatcher didn't want to take their call as the CPD was scrambling around with their hair on fire, having to deal with two unrelated shootings in the immediate area.  Mort called me and gave me the alert.

I could hear Tyrone shouting curses at everyone in sight, M-Fing them for all he was worth.  So I called nine-eleven and told them Tyrone was violent, and wound a bit too tight, and he was violent.  They reluctantly agreed to send someone.

By the time the FD arrived, the fire was out.  Tyrone was still on a rampage, and was video recording everything, claiming that CNN was going to show the video on the news.  Then he M-F'd the fire department up one side and down the other.

This is pure entertainment.

The Franklin County Fire Department Arrives

I think it took the FD 15 minutes to arrive, so if I'm ever on fire, I'm on my own.  Anyone with real fire department knowledge please feel free to suggest an appropriate fire extinguisher or two - I've got three small ones around the house, and one in the trunk of my car.

Ten minutes or so after the FD get here, the CPD pulls in.  Two cops, two cars.  They ignore Tyrone and go inside with Mortimer and Persephone, and stand in the foyer talking.  Tyrone videos everything, keeping up a loud monologue about CNN, police brutality, George Floyd, BLM, and general gibberish.  I stand around with a few neighbors to see what happens next.

I learned a few things from my neighbors that I didn't know.  All of them knew about Tyrone, none of them wanted anything to do with him, and only one person would talk to the CPD - and she had her own agenda to fulfill.

Tyrone Making His New Video

Our condo association president, Ms. D. Prez, has been defending Tyrone for years.  I concluded that Tyrone's parents are paying her off.  Initially I said that jokingly, but now I think I was right.  She talked to the police at length about Tyrone, but it didn't make a bit of difference.  The bottom line with the CPD is that they refused to do anything about Tyrone and his antics.

Tyrone Supine on the Lawn - Video

Tyrone finished by M-F-ing everything in sight while lying on the lawn with the video still on.  I expected the cops to at least question him, but they did absolutely nothing.

So, if you need the CPD for anything - you're on your own.

Anyone looking at these pix can tell that Tyrone is a pretty big boy.  Crazy as he is, he could easily decide that the turkey next door needs carving, obtain a suitable implement from his kitchen, and kick down the front door.  The average age of our residents is around 110, which is, coincidentally, their weight, including arthritis and oxygen tanks.  At 3:00 in the morning, the usual time for such antics, I know what I'd do, and it would not involve going hand to hand with Blubberino.  Fat, sure.  Strong, maybe, but with his height and weight it really doesn't matter.

Around nine the next morning the Franklin County Deputy Sheriffs served a pink slip on him, and Tyrone has gone to live in the happy house at Ohio State University.  His relatives started cleaning out the house, and his grandmother apologized to everyone involved.

Now it's so long, Tyrone.  I hope.