When Lawyers Go Bad

A long time ago when I was a noisome, recalcitrant little snot nose my parents sent me to school.  They said it was the law that made them do it.  I had a few other ideas about just why they were so happy to see school start every year.  Anyway, back then there was an area of Sylvania Township (Ohio) known locally as Dogpatch.  The area was defined geographically as being North of Alexis Road and West of Whiteford Road.  The residents were mainly Appalachian immigrants who came up North for the good jobs in the automobile factories.  Living in the Township, which is outside the city and the city's laws, agreed with them.  They could work all week and cut loose on Friday night, when the whole family would get full of whiskey and play with their gun collection, get into fights, get the police involved, maybe get thrown in the hoosegow (or not) and then get out and get sober enough to go to work Monday morning.  Dogpatch was a right lively place, and being in Sylvania the children of these families went to the same school I did, which provided me with broader horizons and a colorful vocabulary that was sharply curtailed by my Mother.


Not all of these folks were bad or even overtly morally corrupt, although you wouldn't catch many of them singing in the Sunday choir.  Many of their children grew up to be very successful people, and generally dropped their old manners and customs like a live grenade.  One of this moonshine to middle class group is (was?) Linda S. Cook, whom I used to know and who proved that you can take the girl out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the girl.  Linda became an attorney and now faces over a year in the Big House.  I do not recommend any leniency in this case.  Continue reading to find out why.


Most people can't imagine being arrested and thrown in jail.  There is another crowd who can imagine, and a subset for which jail is no big deal.  But for most of us the idea of going to jail is repugnant and not within the realm of personal catastrophes that we plan for.  For instance, we all have health insurance (thanks to The Anointed One - otherwise we'd all be uninsured) against that time when the boiler house develops a malfunction and one local sawbones informs us that it's going to cost $90,000 cash to put your mother's favorite child back on the street, and all of a sudden no one will take a cheque.  We have automobile insurance for the same reasons, such as when some damned drunk runs a light and lands the good guys in the hospital and the car in the junk yard.  How many people take out jail insurance?  I don't think there is such a thing, but I might be onto something here.

My point is that if you're arrested, your attorney is not only the best friend love or money can buy, he may well be the only friend love or money can buy (you do know his number, right?).  If you're being sued, your attorney will advise you on the best course of action you can take to protect yourself.  If you're signing a contract, getting married, taking care of estate planning or any number of things, your attorney will hear all about your private life and not judge you.  He's on your side, and he'll do the best he can to put your interests way out in front of everyone else's.  In order to do this, your attorney must have the moral fiber of an apostle coupled with the ice water that used to double as blood for Nick the Greek.  So several years ago when I heard that Linda Cook had graduated college, completed law school then passed the bar and been duly sworn in I was a little surprised.  I refrained from asking about security while taking the bar exam. Then I found evidence of Linda at work:

Senior activities: Wood County
Published: 2/22/2006

Feb. 27: Attorney Linda Cook, by appointment, 9 to 10:30 a.m. Fitness at 2 p.m. Walmart trip at 1:45 p.m.

Linda was also working with a few of Main Lady's clients (Main Lady is a licensed clinical psychologist), so I told her about the old days in Dogpatch.  Ever the saint, Main Lady accused me of socioeconomic prejudice, male chauvinism and having too much to drink.  I pleaded guilty to that last one, but I renewed my misgivings about such things as integrity, honesty and personal rectitude.   A short while later the fertilizer collided with the turbine blades and I got to say 'I told you so!' - but being older and wiser, I passed.  Here's the latest news:

Ex-Sylvania Lawyer Guilty Of Attempted Records Tampering

More than four years after originally being charged with crimes associated with her dealings with an elderly client, a former Sylvania lawyer entered a plea in Lucas County Common Pleas Court Wednesday.

Here's our great legal system in action.  Four years (are you reading this Jeff?) after she's caught with her hand in someone else's pocket, our local girl who made good finally enters a plea.

Linda S. Cook, 60, pleaded guilty to one count of attempted tampering with records. She faces up to 1 1/2 years in prison when sentenced Sept. 29 by Judge Gary Cook, who is not related to the defendant.

I know that Linda Cook has been disbarred, and I also know that she continues to work in a law office - which in my opinion she has no business doing.  This broad is a crook and should go to prison, but I'm betting that unless Judge Gary Cook (no relation) hears from a few constituents, Linda Cook will get probation and community service along with a lecture on crime and punishment.  That's a slap on the wrist delivered by a limpwristed gay boy.  Linda Cook was paid good money to represent the interests of her client, and she didn't do that.  Instead, Linda Cook abused her client's trust and stole from him.  She is a servant of the court and she dishonored that position.  For that Linda Cook deserves to go to prison where she can be a prison lawyer and think about what she did.

So I'm asking everyone who thinks that Linda Cook should serve some prison time to please write the judge and say so. Here's the contact information:

Judge Gary G. Cook
Lucas County Common Pleas Court
4th Floor - Courtroom #9
700 Adams
Toledo, OH 43604-5678

Judges read their mail, and while judge Cook may not be completely influenced by a little fan mail, a few letters might be enough to change thirty days suspended to one year in the Big House.  At least that's my hope.

And by the way, when I knew Linda Cook the future attorney, she was all mouth.   Linda Cook would talk tough and mean and then run like hell just as soon as anyone looked like they might move the discussion to a whole new level.