The thing is, The Anointed One was going to do all kinds of good things for the great unwashed once he moved into the double-wide on Pennsylvania Avenue, but he hasn't. Here are a few suggestions for Himself that, if implemented sometime prior to November of 2012, would likely guarantee His re-election in a historic landslide.
What does the population really want? This is a rhetorical question because, well, it is. Let us break this down into a few basic levels.
Drugs and Television. That's right. There is a certain segment that likes watching TV, so give them what they want. Right now there are too many commercials to be able to enjoy TV; about 22 minutes of programming for every half hour of entertainment. According to Gaebler:
Gaebler: Resources for Entrepreneurs
The standard half-hour of television contains 22 minutes of program and 8 minutes of commercials - 6 minutes for national advertising and 2 minutes for local.Have The Anointed One change this to 25 minutes of programming and five minutes of commercials, scheduled for the consumer's convenience at 25 and 55 minutes after the hour. That should take care of the TV crowd, leaving the drugs.
Remove all the psychedelic substances from schedule one, effectively legalizing them for recreational use. Add a federal license to manufacture and another federal license to distribute these substances, and the government has a new source of income right along with a happy populace. Well, mostly happy anyway. The next level is -
Stuff that Works. Cell phones, for instance. Once you sign up with a cell phone company, you're pretty much hosed for the duration. If you want to change companies, you generally have to buy a new phone along with your new two year contract, and you'll get hosed again. What should happen is that you buy your cell phone separately, then go shopping for a provider. Also, nix the contracts. A two year contract doesn't help the consumer, and my own personal experience bears this one out. When I lived in Mad City I found a local company that went month to month. These people were so easy to deal with that I used to stop in at their office and pay my monthly bill in person just to experience a truly helpful, no sales pressure atmosphere. All cell phone companies should work like that; almost none do.
The Anointed One could fix this. He won't, but he could.
Then there's the TV remote dilemma.
|Three Remote Controls - One Service|
I could think of other things, but it's depressing. At some point giving people direct control over how their federal tax dollars are spent would be nice. How about paying off the debt, spending money on parks and recreation and protection of our natural resources? Bringing back jobs from overseas is a lofty goal, but The Anointed One would never try to accomplish that. Too many people would go back to work and notice that the government is over taxing them.
I'm depressed. I'm going to have a drink and try to reset my remote control system. Again.