Saturday, May 11, 2019

Facts About Bees, Trees, and Latinos

I went out for lunch today, which was a mistake.  For a sawbuck I got an overly large portion of meatloaf and gravy, a somewhat lesser portion of mashed potatoes, and a small helping of canned green beans.  The beans were the best part of the meal; the meatloaf upset my delicate constitution.

On my way back from the restaurant I found a Mexican man in my driveway, explaining to my neighbor (not that one, thank the Lord) that there were bees up in the pine tree behind my house.  Just why I'd care about this is beyond me, but he insisted on pointing them out until I, surprise-surprise, saw a swarm of bees at the top of one of the pine trees behind my house.

Well, hot damn.

I told him to let 'em be (clever pun intended) because they were important to the ecology.  He agreed, but he kept talking about the bees.  I wanted to go inside, so I finally just shrugged it all off and left him to his own devices.

Naturally, that's when the fun started.

About 45 minutes and half a bottle of Pepto Bismol later, I reenter the outside world with the vague notion of visiting the grocery store.  Since I have plenty of gin, I'm not quite sure why I'm going, but there you have it.

At the end of the street is a cream colored SUV, slightly beaten, and a mujer mexicana along with two muchachos.  I walk over top see what's up.

"Buenas tardes," I say, smiling.  She looks at me like I'm deranged.  Clearly, either she doesn't speak any Spanish, or I'm an idiot and my Spanish isn't as good as it might be.  I look at the older boy, who is also regarding me with some concern.

"I'm trying to say buenas tardes," I tell him.  He smiles and translates for his mother, who laughs a little and pronounces it correctly for me.  Her diction bears so little resemblance to mine that I give up.  We go back and forth a little via her eldest, who is so fluent in English that he has no trace of an accent.  I gather that her husband, their father, is up the tree gathering bees.  As evidence, a be hive is nearby.  An unoccupied bee hive.  He has seven other hives at home.

I look up and sure enough there's a Mexican in the pine tree, near the top.  This guy has a bee suit on and is capturing bees.

Mexican Trimming Trees

Now, my opinion is that anyone who wants these bees badly enough to climb a pine tree in a bee suit and capture them most definitely does not need any aggravation from the simple minded fascists that are on the board of directors here in Stalague 86.

Junior Translator
I left for the store, and by the time I got back the bee hunt was still going strong.  I wish him all the best, because he's obviously working hard.  His kids are good kids; well mannered and polite.  The kids are fascinated with my camera, so I pass it over to the youngest.  The older one shows him how to activate the video function.  Here are the results.

I'll let you guess who the fat guy is.

Such is life.  It's 6:30, and time for happy hour to being in earnest.  I think I'll check on Senor Bee Keeper, see if he's okay.  Maybe offer him a beer or something.


CWMartin said...

That was a cool story. Not sure how one screws up Buenos tardes, but a good story nonetheless. Anyone who takes care of bees is fine with me.

Mad Jack said...

Thanks CW. The President of the Condo Association came by to tell me the Mexicans were trespassing. I explained they were removing a swarm of bees, and they'd be gone in a few minutes anyway, so why worry?

Because it's much more enjoyable to rain on someone's parade. That's why.

Madam President and her BFF were on their way out to buy flowers, and as my other neighbor pointed out, they'd be gone for an hour or more. So that, we hope, was that.

Me, I think that anyone who needs his bees back badly enough to climb a thirty foot pine tree to get them is not going to be a problem to anyone.