Walking in a Dangerous Area - Pack Your Whatever

I was minding my own business and nursing my morning bourbon, when I ran across this little gem in my email, courtesy of Spot Crime.

Spot Crime uses local police reports, and although it's a long way from being complete it's better than nothing.  For instance, I live near Machine Gun Alley, and we had a shooting next to my condo complex recently involving two cars, four people, one shooter, and two targets.  One driver collected six and lived to tell about it, while his passenger jumped out and ran for it.  She collected one to the lung and lived to tell about it.  The shooter hasn't been caught, and neither has his buddy.

Here's today's report, which includes this little gem: Indecent Exposure.

Indecent Exposure!

Red hot damn!  Probably some chick walking around topless, protesting for the LGBT movement or free speech or something.  Maybe I can track down a few pix!

Before we go any further, the usual warning applies.  The rest of the post is not politically correct and is deliberately designed to offend people.  If you're a regular reader, keep going.  All others return to their safe area - Slash dot, Face Book, whatever.

I go for the details and find out that this is in Big Walnut Park, which is very close to me.  Naked girls in the park... I could get my bike fixed and take a little ride now and then, and take my camera with me.  Do a little bird watching, that kind of thing.

Public Indecency

No such luck.  Read the description, which specifies person of interest and that 'he was not involved'.  Not she.  He.  Then the victim shows up, and the victim is also a he, as in male.  Where's the topless women here?  I guess they have better sense than to go walking in the park.

Public Sex

As it turns out, this guy isn't just a weenie wagger, he's a prevert playing some kind of freaky game with another prevert in the woods.

Nature Boy

One of the two nature boys got busted, the other having sense enough to run the other way and escape.  So now we know.

Walking in the park isn't safe, and in addition to packing your gat (which I always do) don't forget your camera and your faggot repellent.