Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Why I Left Toledo - One Reason, anyway...

I'm living in Columbus these days, and the more I hear about my old home town, the better I feel about leaving.  Just look at the latest idea from Mayor MacCheese of Rossford (look it up on a map), who wants to build an aerial gondola from Rossford, a town no one has ever heard of, to Toledo, a gravel pit many people wish they'd never heard of.

Courtesy of WTOL: Rossford Mayor Pitches Idea of Aerial Gondola Linking to Toledo

From the article:
It's a radical idea, but Mayor Neil MacKinnon III says the gondolas ideally would work as people movers.
Ideally?  As opposed to what?  Pink elephant movers?

"You wouldn't have to get in your car. It would cost, hopefully nothing, and it would be a heck of an experience that people from around the country would want to come and visit," Mayor MacKinnon said.
I just love this shit. Somehow, this multi-billion dollar boondoggle isn't going to cost anything, ever, and it will provide an experience to visitors.  Don't let me rain on your parade, but the tourism industry in Toledo, Ohio vanished back in 1937 when Point Place got annexed.  Keep reading, it gets better...

"I thought wow, this could be some connectivity to not only Rossford, [but] all of the entertainment assets in downtown Toledo and in and around downtown Toledo,” MacKinnon said.
So this means that people could travel from the Hollywood Casino on one side of the river, to the Hen House on the other side of the river without having to drive. What a deal.  Actually, given the condition of the roads in Toledo, MacCheese might have a valid point here.

The Hen House
A downtown Toledo strip club, which caused an expected furor when the real name of the place was revealed.  I gather that you can enjoy a hookah as well as... other entertainment.  Mind you, I've never been, but the reviews of the place and my general knowledge of Toledo were enough to keep me away.

Then we have the casino, where a cup of coffee costs three times the usual price.  Again, I've never been and I have no desire to go, given the general ambience of the Gravel Pit.

Hollywood Casino

Possible destinations for the gondola are endless from the Casino, to downtown Toledo, to the docks and even the zoo. All of those were considered as possibilities.
The destinations aren't endless. They're limited by the destruction construction budget for this incredible hound.

Mayor MacKinnon says this would separate Toledo and Rossford from any other city in the country.
And he's probably right about that. Toledo, AKA the Gravel Pit, and Rossford, which is practically a ghost town that no one but the residents has ever heard of, will be connected by a project that will make the the Big Dig look every bit as reasonable and well thought out as, well... the Mars Climate Orbiter.   Shoot, I'd pay a quarter to see that anytime.

Meantime, there's talk of a water taxi. This is something I could really see myself doing. Imagine, Mad Jack's pirate water taxi. License? We don' need no stinkin' license, man.

Yo Ho!

Water Taxi and Crew
Ride up the creek in style and comfort with the Gravel Pit's top rated water taxi service.  Guaranteed fastest service on the river, or we'll cheerfully refund the unspent portion of your money.

I hope Mariner and JustRead are available to help with navigation and such.


Ed Bonderenka said...

It's not bad coming in off the lake, up the river, having dinner, and leaving.
I worked there for a few years.
Best deal we ever made, trading it for the UP.
Wasn't even much of a war.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Boy does this sound like my hometown of Erie PA.
I understand what you are saying all too well.

CWMartin said...

Well I wish I could comment on this a little more authoritatively, but right now my knowledge of Toledo includes the botanical conservatory (which was cool), the Glass Bowl (which would have been cool had I intended to be there) and Tony Packo's. Oh, and the Zoo, which used to be better than FTW but now is more like "just as good, but more walking to see it".

BTW, what're you charging for the water taxi?

Ed Bonderenka said...

Tony Packo's and The Zoo. Absolutely.

Mad Jack said...

Ed: Yeah, the great Ohio-Michigan war. Once Michigan discovered what they were actually fighting over, they did the sensible thing and advanced to the rear. Probably the best move Michigan has ever made.

Margaret: Yeah, Toledo unfortunately isn't unique in that respect. You see a certain amount of this all over.

CWMartin: For you? Ah, gimme a sawbuck and we'll call it square. Politicians first half of the ride is free. The second half depends on how well they can swim while carrying a cinder block. :)

The best parts of Toledo are the Art Museum and the Zoo. At one time, Tony Packo's was on the short list. Not so much anymore.

Bob G. said...

Mad Jack:
--I liked the time I lived in Columbus...easy to get around.
--Had a good job out west of the loop.
--Rush hour wasn't that bad (compared to the clusterf*cks we had in Philly), and not a bad place where we lived...until Section 8 bought our complex over one weekend.
And we even had a police helo with a starlight looking for perps in our parking lot one evening.
After getting my car broken into, that was enough...see 'ya.
That was back in the late 90s.
Fast forward to NOW, the area has become a damn ghetto. The entire Northland mall went bye-bye! Scads of subsidized housing all over the area.
It's getting harder to stay AWAY from the riff-raff...that's a damn fact.

Stay safe out there.