Thursday, May 17, 2018

A Trip to the Zoo

My thanks to CW Martin over at Tilting at Windmills - Thoughts on every subject, pc be hanged and his inspiration post Zoo 2018, as well as the photo I brazenly stole from him and am now using without permission.

Ever been to the zoo and listened to the idiots around you?  My thanks to CW for writing about his most recent trip and posting the pix and overheard comments from the crowd.

Ring Tailed Moonbat

Child: Look! Look Daddy! A monkey!

Adult: No sweetie, that's a ring-tailed moonbat.  Would you like to hear about it?

Child: Oh, yes please Daddy!

Adult: Well then...

The ring-tailed moonbat is highly social, living in nuclear families of up to 30 individuals.  It is also female dominant, a trait common among moonbats.  For recreation and to reaffirm social bonds, groups will huddle together, imbibe in recreational mind altering substances closely followed by multi-gender sexual practices that are labeled as immoral in most third world countries, and immerse themselves in commercial media publications.  The ring-tailed moonbat will also sunbathe, sitting upright facing its underside, with its white belly towards the sun.  Like other moonbats, this species relies strongly on its sense of social justice and marks its territory with raucous ceremonies called 'protest marches'.  The males perform a unique behavior called slap fighting and will participate in slap fights by screaming invective at their opponents and striking at the opponents with their open hands, but seldom connecting.

As one of the most vocal primates, the ring-tailed moonbat uses numerous vocalizations including group cohesion and alarm calls.  Experiments have shown that the ring-tailed moonbat, despite the lack of a large brain (relative to simiiform primates), can organize sequences, understand basic arithmetic operations and preferentially select tools based on functional qualities.

Despite reproducing readily in urban or suburban environments, and being the most populous moonbats in cities in the United States, the ring-tailed moonbat is listed as endangered by the Democratic Party due to changes in national political leadership and an unanticipated influx of logic, deductive reasoning, and removal of local leadership.  As of early 2017, the population in the urban area is believed to have stabilized or declined due to cuts in welfare funding, gainful employment, and the incarceration of criminals, making the ring-tailed moonbat far more critically endangered.

Isn't that interesting?

Child: Oh yes Daddy! Now I want to see the Rinos!

Well, we have to go to the capital building for that, but I think we'll have time.

While I really was inspired by the post, the photo is actually a ring-tailed lemur (Lemur catta) which I looked up in Wikipedia.  Considering the source, I don't know how accurate the article is, but the
obvious similarities between the lemur and, ah..., people, are more than vaguely disquieting.  Yes, I'm serious.  No, I haven't been drinking.  Yet.


Bob G. said...

Mad Jack:
Don't you DARE ever change...ROFL!

That is Brilliant.

Stay safe.

Old NFO said...

Hilarious!!! Love it!

Mad Jack said...

Thanks guys. Hey, nothing but the truth, right?