Crass Commercial Message: Take The Star Road

Standard Disclaimer: I'm not getting paid for this, unless Peter decides to pay me to take the post down.  Likewise with the review; I don't make a dime.

I enjoy reading the Bayou Renaissance Man, who is actually Peter Grant, a fifty something ex-military, ex-IT Office Slave and ex-sky pilot. A few years back he ditched Africa for the good old U.S. of A., got hitched and planted himself in Tennessee. Just why anyone would want to live in Tennessee, I couldn't tell you, but Peter and Shotgun Bob seem to enjoy it.

Peter writes well and has published his first novel on Amazon - Take The Star Road - which is, in the author's very own words, a story about how...

Nineteen-year-old Steve Maxwell just wants to get his feet on the star road to find a better homeworld. By facing down Lotus Tong thugs, he earns an opportunity to become a spacer apprentice on a merchant spaceship, leaving the corruption and crime of Earth behind. Sure, he needs to prove himself to an older, tight-knit crew, but how bad can it be if he keeps his head down and the decks clean? 

How bad? Bad. Because if it weren't there wouldn't be a story to tell.  See?

I don't know Peter, but judging from his blog I'd have something in common with him, and he's far enough to the right to appeal to me.  His writing is free from glaring grammatical errors and common word misusage, and although he lacks my own talent for the sardonic turning of a phrase, I guess you can't have everything.

I'm going to buy his book as soon as I publish this tiny contribution to the overall quality of the Internet, and when I've finished reading it I'll write a review.  Meantime, I'm encouraging everyone else to go buy a copy.  You won't be disappointed, but if you are then please, please write your comments on the back of a $20 bill and slip it into an envelope along with an SASE and send it along to Peter.  He'll move it right to the top of his things to do list.

Impossible Marriage at The Village Players Theater

I took Mom to see Impossible Marriage, a play written by Beth Henley.  This is a dramatic comedy set in the post civil war South, or more precisely set in the formal gardens of a Southern mansion that escaped General Sherman's efforts on urban renewal.  A family of Southern screwballs objects to the marriage of one relative, a true Georgia Peach to an unsuitable man from somewhere else - South of the Mason-Dixon line, of course.

I'd yawn and give this one two stars out of five if not for two items that stand out like a pair of timber wolves at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.  Keep reading to get the low down on just why you might want to give this one a try, without spoilers.

Spring Flowers

I enjoy flowers.  I think my attraction has something to do with primitives and bright colors, but perhaps not. My Grandma Bourbon maintained several large flower gardens and had a penchant for roses, especially climbing rose vines.  The other day I was over at Main Lady's house and noted that last year's efforts, courtesy of Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail, are making the yard look very nice.

Good job, ladies.  Here's a tip of my fedora and a hoist of the morning bourbon glass to you for all your hard work.

Continue reading for photos of the flowers in the yard.  Click the photo to enlarge it.

Book Review: Confessions of an Erotic Masseuse

Confessions of an Erotic Masseuse

File Size: 271 KB
Publisher: Moonlight Press (April 18, 2013)
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
Language: English
ASIN: B00CFA8P1O

Ever wonder what goes on in a massage parlor?  No?  Well let me tell you, you don't know what you're missing.  Keep reading to find out why a man with my discriminating taste would recommend this to any adult who either has a relationship or is contemplating getting involved.

Question for an Outdoorsman

Anyone who is either an Boy Scout with the Wilderness Survival merit badge or anyone who has practical experience in at least one of the following areas: woodcraft, botany, arboriculture, floristics or dendrology, please take a look at the following pictures and tell me if this is poison ivy or not.

The rest of you have another drink and stop thinking about practical jokes.

Restaurant Review: Bar 145°

Bar 145°

5305 Monroe Street; Toledo, OH 43623

(419) 593-0073

Bar 145°

Regular Hours: 11:30am - 2:00am

Kitchen Hours: Mon - Thurs 11:30 - 10:00; Fri - Sat 11:30-11:00

Sun 10:00 - 9:00

Happy Hour: Mon - Fri 1:45 - 6:00

Having a preference for bourbon and wanting lunch in the very worst way, I stopped in at Bar 145° the other day in the hope of satisfying my appetites.  I've eaten there several times, and so decided to review the place.  Here's what to expect and why you might want to reconsider your options.

Gang War Heats Up

The gang war is heating up and The Blade is making the most of it.  Here's a quick look at the latest news from the Toledo Blade: Mayor calls Blade series ‘irresponsible’

Toledo Mayor Bell: Toledo does not have a gang problem...

Toledo Police Chief Diggs: Most of our problems are gangs...

Real good, guys.  Are these two actually on speaking terms?

Gang Map of Toledo

Toledo, OH.  When the current mayor of Toledo tossed the previous baby kisser into the gutter and remodeled the penthouse at One Government Center he promised to run a transparent government.  Given that I live next door in Sylvania Township I don't have a dog in this fight, but a recent tempest in this abandoned monument to greed, corruption and incompetence have distracted me from my regular duties of personal lawn growth quality care manager.

Bluntly, the local bird cage liner demanded that Toledo Chief of Police Derrick Diggs turn over a map of gang territories.  Chief Diggs declined to do so, and the flag dropped.  Keep reading to find out why both sides of this debate are behaving like idiots.

Weekend Road Trip - 4/6/2013

I've been writing about my weekend in Columbus and will finish up by writing about our dinner out and several other oddities.

Saturday night we went out to Barley's Ale House, which I've written about before in Barley's Ale House No. 2 and here, in Robert Burns Dinner in Review.  Keep reading as it amuses you to do so.

Columbus Gun Show 4/6/2013

I spent last weekend at Big Mike's place in Columbus.  While enjoying the excellent hospitality, we decided to attend the local gun show and see what might be for sale and needing a new home.  Moreover, Big Mike was on a mission.  Here's what we found.

Sporting Clays at Black Wing

I haven't been down to visit Big Mike lately, so when he proposed a weekend of shooting, drinking and other enjoyable pursuits I accepted his offer with enthusiasm.  As usual, Big Mike's hospitality is first rate.

The drive South to Columbus, Ohio was nothing if not boring for most of the trip, then exciting as soon as I hit I-270 and the Columbus traffic.  Let me be perfectly clear about this.  Any Columbus police officer who feels like writing a few traffic citations for such minor infractions as speeding, failure to maintain a safe distance (tailgating) and driving without due regard for safety need only spend five minutes patrolling I-270.  I don't know how long it takes to write a traffic citation, but I'm certain that an entire eight hour shift could be dedicated to pulling over the cretinous, inconsiderate, maladriot drivers that are making I-270 hazardous to everyone's health, including their own.

By Divine grace I arrived without incident Friday afternoon, and we took off for Black Wing intent on breaking a few clays.  I haven't been to Black Wing in a while, and they've changed their sporting clays course around a little. 

Big Mike and I played 50 birds, and I finally discovered just what was wrong with my game.

Restaurant News: The Hungry I

The Hungry I closed down.  There were several problems with The Hungry I, but the chief reason for closing was money and a lack thereof in the till.  I've been patronizing The Hungry I in spite of the problems I found inside, and while I'm still glad I did and I wouldn't do anything differently, Main Lady and I went to The Hungry I for the dancing and nothing else.

Donglegate Refuted

Practically everyone (even me) has heard something about donglegate by now.  For those of you who haven't sobered up enough in the past week or so to read the Internet news, I'll give you a quick rehash, after which I'll proceed to my very own personal rant.

Caution: Adult language and themes ahead.  Click at your own risk.

Wildlife in the Front Yard

I've always enjoyed the wildlife that we attract.  Mom puts out food in squirrel proof bird feeders, and then because she wanted to attract deer she started putting out corn - which the squirrels find to be quite tasty.  When a hawk showed up in the vicinity of the bird feeder, I offered to chase him off with a shotgun, but Mom wouldn't hear of it.

"They have to eat too, Jack.  After all, I never shot you for eating, did I?"

No, but when I turned 12 Dad installed a lock on the liquor cabinet and made a big deal out of it.  I guess he thought I was stealing his liquor.  I wasn't.  I was stealing Grandma Bourbon's liquor.

Anyway, I counted 14 squirrels at the corn the other day.  Word seems to get around and more squirrels show up all the time, and I fully expect that given the moral turpitude of the average squirrel, we should have a bumper crop by August.

Yesterday we had a brand new visitor, attracted by the squirrel population.

Another Toledo Landmark Passes Away

Sometime back I wrote about the old Yoko Health Spa out on Airport Highway.  You can read all about it in The Passing of a Toledo Landmark, but the long and short of it is that a little house of pleasure ill repute got bulldozed, and I'm sure the religiously righteous had a field day singing the Hallelujah Chorus while thumping their Bibles and praying for the souls of the well and truly damned who used to frequent that unholy establishment of sacrilegious joy.  The godforsaken truth is that the old Yoko spa had been there since Hector was a pup, and I'm sure that if the place was all that Pastor Pissfire Pallbox inculcated in his last sermon, the local constabulary would have closed it down years ago.  They didn't.
Now I've got some brand new news.  It's happened again, and another Toledo landmark has bit the dust.  Keep reading for the low down.

Latest News 3-9-2013

I haven't felt much like writing.  I'm still somewhat depressed and I think I may be coming down with a cold, which I really do not need just now.

R.I.P. Excellent Rachmaninoff

On Friday, February 22, 2013 at 6:30 PM Excellent Rachmaninoff was euthanized.  In attendance were Main Lady, Flopsy, Mopsy and me, Mad Jack.  Rocky passed away very peacefully while lying on Mopsy's lap.  He is missed by all of us.

Rocky 3/17/2011

The short of it is that Rocky stopped eating.  He'd drink his water, but he would often throw it back up again.  We gave him medication for nausea, so he didn't get dehydrated.  He just wouldn't eat.  On Friday Rocky had become too weak and disoriented to walk, so I had to carry him into the veterinarian's office.

I've written about Rachmaninoff in several places. You can read about how we found him here: Doggie in the Window. I miss him terribly.

The only downside to owning a dog is that you'll very likely outlive them.

Problems

I'm supposed to be doing a few productive things right now, and I'm having problems.  Writer's block, for one.  A desire to have a quick snort, for another.  Tell me, why are mothers so hard to raise?

The Fox on the Fairway at the Toledo Rep

Last Saturday night we went to see The Fox on the Fairway at the The Toledo Repertoire Theatre (16 10th St.; Toledo, OH 43604; (419) 243-9277).  I've always enjoyed live theater much more than film, to the point that even a poorly produced play is more enjoyable than a five star film.

Here is where I hear some theater company saying, "If only there were a few hundred thousand more like you, Mad Jack."  Sure thing, Virginia, and if there were the tickets in the front row at The Rep would be two-and-a-half bills each if you could get them, which you couldn't because the politburo fat heads would threaten the theater with building and fire inspections unless the city council and their inbred friends got the first five rows all to themselves on opening night.

Okay, I'm finished digressing.  Keep reading to learn my considered opinion about foxes, fairways and the latest play.

Martin Luther King Day (2013)

Happy Martin Luther King Day to everyone.  I decided to write a little about Dr. King because I was alive and well during the civil rights era (power to the people! right on!!) and mention a few odd facts guaranteed to drive every Moonbat within five miles into a watermelon dance.  Keep surfing if you have a thin skin.