Thursday, September 9, 2021

Neighbor Problems - Part LXXII.IX

Stumbling into something resembling consciousness, I cleared the delirium from whatever passes for my mind these days and by luck rather than skill, found my way to my kitchenette.  I put the go-go juice together and set the coffee pot to percolating, then bravely look out the window to check on the weather and other things.  Maybe I've been transported to an alternate reality or something.

Wellnow, would you just look at this?

It seems that Tyrone's extended family has parked a trailer on the front lawn and is hauling crap away.

Load 'em up, Head 'em out!

I'll believe it when the For Sale sign goes up and the Ass. Prez takes it down, but so far the portents are good.  One family member gave another neighbor an extended diatribe in stentorian tones concerning Tyrone and the problems he's caused the family.  A few days back he was an affable, bonhomous individual who always did his very best to help out those people around him in spite of their racially prejudice ways and hateful hearts.

Or something.

Today, it was something along the lines of, "Now we got to fine ahnuddah home for dat fat fuck, 'cuz he done fuck dis up like he fuck up da las' time, annah time 'fore dat.  Ah gits tahed o' dis shit here, allays movin', allus gotta start up sumpin', den its po' po' lil' me, dey done pick on me cuz' dey be racisis.  Den de po-po get call - why dey wanna do dat?  Call dem po-po, get yo' ass shot!  Dats all dat iz.  White mutha-fuckahz!"

The other one didn't talk much, just kept working.

Part of me feels a bit sorry for Tyrone.  I'm sorry he's mentally ill, sorry he can't stay on his meds, and I'm sorry he lives a miserable life.  I'll truly miss seeing him sitting on those two blue milk crates, one stacked atop the other, at the edge of his garage, alternately sucking on a hand rolled cigarette and a 40.

I'm a bit sorrier for his dog, but I'm hoping that the dog will be adopted by someone who'll give him a better home.

From what little I've seen of the place, it's going to take a solid $15,000 to renovate it, and that includes a new A/C unit, carpet, and fumigation.  I guess that figure might be closer to $25,000 once you include power washing, painting, and new blinds... the list is endless.

The owner paid $44,888 for the place back in 2012.  Given that, if I were younger I'd make an offer.  $30,000 cash, I'll move the junk out.  We get it inspected and the title searched tomorrow, close on the day after, and I take possession the same day.  HVAC, power wash the garage, patio, and driveway.  Probably the basement as well.  New bathroom fixtures including safety rails for the shower, carpet and paint.  First $130,000 takes it.

When the dust settles I'd have $70,000 into it, which will land me a net of around $50,000, maybe a little less.  I'd want $30,000 for my personal take; split out the rest among my gorilla labor partners.  Everybody walks away happy.

Yeah, if only.

Eventually we'll have some new neighbors.  


The Neon Madman said...

Yeah, I can relate to that "if I was younger thing". Hopefully you'll get a better set of neighbors this time.

Mad Jack said...

Neon: I have hope we will. Right now, the quiet and congenial atmosphere is somewhat startling to me.

Ed Bonderenka said...

I'm sure you will keep us posted.