Saturday, December 24, 2022

Merry Christmas!

This is my official Merry Christmas! post.  Any of you who are not Christian, I'm wishing you a Happy Hanukkah or a Joyous Kwanzaa, whichever is most appropriate.  For anyone who doesn't fall into one of these three categories, label yourself and stop causing trouble.

In times past both my parents were alive, and we had a large gathering for Christmas dinner.  Among the eighteen or so guests were Uncle Sardonicus and Grandpa Parsimonious.  My old dad really knew how to pour a drink, and Uncle Sardonicus liked to bend his elbow and pontificate on politics.  Since he knew everything that was worth knowing, and since he was an idiot a liberal, these speeches could easily lead to a civilized disagreement.  Keep reading - trust me.

The thing was that unlike Unc, Grandpa Parsimonious could hold his liquor with the best of them, and was politically astute.  He was in the trucking business, and his name can still be seen on the highways of the United States.  Back in 1973 when we had that little misunderstanding known as Watergate, he watched the proceedings on television - and he knew some of those people.  At one time during his career he could walk through Washington D.C. and point to various elected officials and tell you if they were for sale and what it cost to buy them.  This is the man Unc decided to argue politics with.

Uncle Sardonicus would stand on his soapbox and lecture, and Gramps would wait until he paused for a drink and a breath, then take his feet out from under him in two or three terse sentences.  I thought it was great.

But, you see, the argument wouldn't break for dinner, and neither would Unc's drinking.  By the time we were clearing the table for desert, he'd raise his voice and wave his arms around.  Gramps would smile and let out more rope.  Auntie Annie was horrified at Unc's behavior and inebriation, and she'd give him a real ration when they got home.  Next year it would be the same thing all over again.

But, you know, that was then and this is now.  Today, Main Lady is Ex-Main Lady, and with good reason.  Out of her three little darlings, Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail, Flopsy is hoping that I'll fall victim to a home invasion perpetrated by one or more members of some marginalized class.  Cottontail is a successful businesswoman, and has concluded that tax and spend is not the best thing in the world.  Mopsy is conflicted - she wants to carry a gun, but guns are bad.  Right?  Right?

But then, how do I defend myself?

Auntie Annie told Unc that if he didn't knock off the shit, she'd divorce him.  I think she meant business, and so did Unc because he limited his drinking to two beers a day, and that during party time only.  They're still together, but Unc is developing some form of dementia.  I'm talking clinical here, not the moonbat dementia that some people catch from I don't know where.

Gramps passed away some years back.  He could be abrasive, but I kind of miss him sometimes.  He and my father would have a fit at some of the crap the faggots are pulling off these days.

And here we all are.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Joyous Kwanzaa!


CWMartin said...

And to you, good sir!

Ed Bonderenka said...

Merry Christmas!

Glen Filthie said...

Merry Christmas Jack!

Try to post a bit more in the new year, eh? 😊👍

Mad Jack said...

CW: Thanks!
Ed: Nice to see you stop by.
Glen: Nag, nag, nag... starting in January, I'm putting in more of an effort. The thing is, current events and the political situation have got me so spun up and discouraged that it's hard to write - period. Incoherent or poorly written I can fix, but current events? Where do I live, anyway?