Patriot Day

Today is Patriot Day, which should be a Federal holiday and is not.  On this day in 2001 my mom called me at Main Lady's house and told me we should turn the TV on.  We did, and Main Lady didn't get over her shock and sadness for a week.

Hindsight is always (almost always, anyway) 20/20, but in this case I think my criticisms are justified.  The United States of America had just been attacked by a cowardly group of religious fanatics.  Many people were murdered in this attack, and our government did not respond correctly.

Film Review: Bernie

Main Lady opted for pizza and a movie last night.  Naturally I was the one who got elected to pick out the movie, which means that if I get something I'd like to watch she'll whine that it's too violent for her and go out into the other room and sulk.  If I get something I think she would like to watch, it's guaranteed to be so boring that I may well fall asleep.  Then there will be a discussion of the film later on during which I'll encourage her to talk and keep my own opinions to myself.  This is more difficult that you might think, given that I'm supposed to have watched the film and been as enthralled by it as she is.

Anyway, I lucked out and rented the film Bernie, and I'm here to tell you that if you haven't seen Bernie, go rent it and watch the entire thing - and do not skip the credits.  The credits are the best part.  Keep reading for the links and lowdown, without spoilers.

Numbers and the Presidential Election

It happens every four years and it gets worse every single time.  Wake up, Mister and Mistress America!  You've got to run out and vote for the next President of the United States and a host of other issues, and remember - it is your very own Constitutional right to have a loud, uninformed and heavily biased opinion on everything.  Don't listen, don't read and for Heaven's sake, do not let the facts stand in the way of your feelings.

Before I decompose the rest of this rant, I want to issue a non-standard disclaimer, to wit: I am a long way from being a math major.  The results of very basic equations have always frightened me a little, particularly if I get a result that I didn't expect.  Having gone over the rough draft of this rant several times, I'm not certain that I'm right.  I am certain I need two fingers of bourbon before I go any further.

Bad Journalism and Bad Marksmanship

My cousin 88 has an office in the Empire State Building in NYC, so when I noticed the shooting this morning I immediately concluded that cousin 88 was alive and well. If not, Uncle Parsimonious or Auntie Annie would have phoned. As it turned out, Auntie Annie did phone late this morning to convey a (for her) microscopically brief message that 88 was okay and the gunman had been shot to death by police.  Auntie loves to talk on the phone, but today she concluded with something along the lines of "I have to get off the phone now.  'Bye!"  Click.  Dead air space.

Intrigued by the brevity of her call I decided to read the news, and that's where I got a little spun up.  I read three articles in their entirety and scanned a few more, then I applied Ockham's razor (lex parsimoniae) and concluded that, as usual, commercial media bitched it beyond almost all recognition.  I'm not surprised.  I'm pissed off.

Officer Received Assistance

A few days back I wrote the post Officer Needs Assistance, which was actually a plea for Toledo Police Officer Sargent Stringbean, who was trapped inside a TV reality show (Glass House) along with a high-mileage blonde with big tits, a mouthy fat guy and a bunch of other folks.  There was a quarter million shekels at stake, and in order to pad his kick the illustrious Sargent Stringbean needed everyone's vote.

On behalf of Sargent Stringbean (AKA Sargent Kevin Braun) and his friends, family, in-laws and fellow co-workers, I would like to offer a very sincere thank you, along with a tip of the old fedora and a hoist of the afternoon bourbon glass, to all of you who took the time to vote for Sargent Kevin Braun.  Kevin won.

Congratulations to Kevin Braun

How's it feel to be a quarter-mil to the good?  Next round's on you, bro!

You can read about the whole business in great detail in Glass City sergeant wins $250,000 on 'Glass House'.  I find that this is fitting, Stringbean being from the glass city and all and him not being independently wealthy... at least, not before going on the show.  I think, though, that in the interests of full disclosure, professional reputation and moral integrity, I should state that if not for Sollecks and, to a lesser extent Partner, I would have voted for the blonde with the big tits and high mileage.  Hey, a woman like that could ruin a man - if he was lucky.

Blog Meme: Six Songs

I found this at Bayou Renaissance Man: Another blog meme - 'Six Songs Of Me' and decided to write about it.  My own six selections are not particularly enlightening, so feel free to get on with your life.  Should idle curiosity get the better of you, continue reading.

From "victim" to Victimized to Victory

On November 21st, 2011 Lamar Allen and Joseph Hunter unsuccessfully attempted to rob Express Carryout on Mulberry Street in Toledo.  Both men were armed, one with a TEC-9.  The clerk, Bandar Abu-Karsh, did as he was told by the robbers.  He gave up the money and hid behind the counter - where he could hear the robbers discussing what to do with him.  The conversation was headed in a direction Bandar didn't care for (they favored killing Bandar), so Bandar got his hands on the 9mm pistol kept behind the counter by the store owner and popped up yelling "Surprise!  School's out!" and put some lead in the air.

On Wednesday, August 15th, 2012 (almost 9 months later) the dust finally settled and Bandar is now a free man.  Keep reading to find out what happened.

Officer Needs Assistance

At least I think that's the official radio distress call.  I could be wrong about that, so any law enforcement officers who are reading this, please do not hesitate to correct me.  The deal here is that one Toledo police officer has asked for a little help on behalf of another.  Keep reading to find the straight skinny on why and how - and no, it's not a plea for money.

Attention Please!

It seems that Gun Nuts is Hiring!, and naturally I believe that I, Mad Jack, am the best choice for the position. Not everyone may agree with me, but I don't care about them. I only care what Caleb thinks.

Anyway, if several thousand of my regular readers would follow the link over to Gun Nuts and recommend my mother's favorite son (that would be me, Mad Jack) for the position, I'd be grateful.  Reasonably grateful, anyway.

Failing several thousand, if two or three of you would recommend me I'd have a warm fuzzy feeling without the bourbon... and hey, we all need a new experience from time to time, right?

Why Gun Owners Worry About Gun Control Rumors

The Brady Bunch and their anti-freedom crowd allies have hit the jackpot and are at it again.  They've got James E. Holmes shooting up a theater followed by Wade Michael Page throwing lead in a Sikh Temple.  In the wake of this I've been getting one call to action after another from every gun rights group in the U.S., each and every one of whom has a different facet of the same agenda - collect money to fight the anti-gun zealots in Washington D.C. because (insert anti-freedom zealot of choice) is trying to (insert legalistic legislative rumor here).

The trouble is that all of these rumors sound like credible threats, and they shouldn't.  Here's why.

Chick-fil-A Debacle

I've been watching the news about Chick-fil-A and various protest movements, either in support or opposition, and I really don't get the fascination.  I did a little research about the company and its founder, then I read a few of the articles about the recent protests.  Here's what I came up with.

Miscellaneous Ramblings

I haven't felt like writing lately, mainly because I've been depressed over the complete and total failure of my efforts to lose weight and get into better physical condition.  By way of comparison my weight loss efficacy makes the Obama administration look like the second coming, complete with a guest appearance by an exulted heavenly choir singing Ludwig Van Beethoven's Ode to Joy .

All that aside, here are a few short rants and one or two paragraphs of gratitude, one way or another.

We're Hosed. Here's Why.

Some months ago I was perusing Bayou Renaissance Man and realized I'd been reading the same three paragraphs over and over again, and my comprehension was inversely proportional to the time I'd spent reading.  Somewhat depressed, I poured another drink and found my way over to Fred Reed's little slice of Internet heaven, intent on cheering myself up.  It was there that my worst secret fear of all time was confirmed, and it has nothing to do with Main Lady's satisfaction or happiness.  Some place or other Fred observed that the average man is doing good to find his way home every night.  I tend to agree with him on a sort of intuitive 'sounds logical to me' level.  Doing a little research I was interested to discover a politically incorrect and socially insensitive chart listing IQ groups and corresponding descriptions.

Out of Order

The blog's author, Mad Jack, is out of commission.  Without going into details the trouble seems to be systemic to the entire digestive tract.

Mad Jack's significant other, Main Lady, suggested that Jack adopt the BRAT diet and stay with it until he was feeling his normal, curmudgeonly self again.  Although she explained the diet to Jack, his mind is like a sieve.  A twisted, rusted out sieve.  Jack believed that BRAT stood for:

• Bourbon
• Rye
• Absinthe
• Tequila

and it doesn't.  It stands for:

• Bananas
• Rice (white rice only)
• Applesauce (in moderation)
• Tea and Toast

Fortunately the supermarket is still open.  Jack will be back later in a different state.

Thank you for reading.
- White Dog

My Race Car Ride Along

About a week ago I got some email from Lash, Big Mike's ex-roommate (since Mike bought his own home), inviting me to join him at the sports car races.

We will be racing at Mid Ohio Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I run four sessions each day; it's no problem to get you out for a ride on one of those sessions if you are interested.

Red hot damn on a Saturday night!  Yes, I'm interested.  I'm way out in front of 'interested' --  I'm right there at the head of the line.

Lash owns a Mustang GT which he often races at the Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course, and the Mustang comes complete with a passenger seat.  Now, if I can just fit into the passenger seat and if Lash has a seat belt extender, I'll be all set.

A Day at the Range

I haven't been to the range since I qualified for my Ohio CCW permit, which I'll write about later on.  So when Big Mike told me he'd be in town over the weekend and asked me if I'd like to go shooting, I naturally answered in the affirmative.

One way or another we got into a game of 9mm eight ball.

The World We Live In

I found this one courtesy of The Smallest Minority: Every word out of their mouth was, 'We don't care.'  In short, an elderly unemployed lady without health insurance decided to grow her own food in her own yard.  When some silly son-of-a-bitch complained to the city government, the city sent out a work team and cut it all down.  Now Denise Morrison is suing the city.

The Beginning Revisited

During the month of February of 2010 I started up Mad Jack's Shack with an essay about Main Lady's neighbor, noted horticulturist and seasonal entrepreneur, Clay Hausenfleck.  You can read about Clay and his exploits here - Who Knew That This Would Be The Start Of Something.  The short of it is that Clay and his family moved into their new house on November 30, 2005, but times were tough and they were about to get a whole lot tougher.

Congratulations Lucas County Sheriff

I went to a funeral today (next post) and the procession from the church to the cemetery was somewhat lengthy.  Thirty-six (36) cars started off from the Bethany Community Fellowship parking lot and drove three and a half miles to Ottawa Hills Memorial Park - right through one of the busiest parts of town.  Putting this in perspective, if the average length of an automobile is 16 feet, that's 576 feet of Tokyo Beer Cans if the cars are hooked up nose to tail, like a freight train.  Which they aren't.

If the drivers of this procession allow one car length between vehicles, the entire parade stretches 1,152 feet.  That's one thousand, one hundred and fifty two feet of rolling Christian mourners who are all on their best behavior.  Now since the average man is doing good to find his way home every night, and since no one has ever been taught how to drive in a funeral procession... am I the only one to see a disaster in the making here?

Everyone managed to get out of the Bethany parking lot without bending any fenders and without allowing any gaps in the procession wider than, oh I don't know... call it three car lengths.  Wide enough so that some moke waiting at a green light will not bother waiting around to see if there's more procession before hammering the throttle and getting on about his oh-so-important big hurry.

We head West on Alexis from Flanders, and that first turn is where the fun starts.  You see, in the bad old days (1965, for instance) there wasn't any traffic light at Flanders and Alexis.  In fact, back in the old days anyone heading West on Alexis Road had a solid two mile stretch of highway with no traffic lights, starting at Secor and maybe ending at Whiteford, unless you timed it right and made the light at Whiteford and Alexis.  Flanders was just an insignificant cross street.

Which averaged one accident per week during the summer, and these were all injury accidents.

Old habits die hard, and when a traffic light was finally installed at Flanders and Alexis the accidents began to decrease and the panic stops and moving violations increased until things sort of stabilized.  So today, when the irate drivers on Alexis are having their circuit boards shorted out by staring at a green light and a funeral procession, the right foot wants to win the argument and cut through the line.  Because I'm in a hurry.  I need to go!  See?

About three blocks Southbound on Talmadge I see a Lucas County Deputy Sheriff finishing up a call at an abandoned home.  She's standing next to her patrol car watching the parade with a Holy Moley look.  Fortunately for all of us, the deputy took some initiative and ran interference for our wagon train all the way to the cemetery, keeping cretins, horn testers and other mental midgets in check.  It's just so amazing to me how quiet and polite people are when the police are present.

I didn't get the lady deputy's license number or photo, which is kind of a shame.  She is a handsome woman with long blond hair in her middle twenties, about five foot six, medium build.  I'll send some email to the Lucas County Sheriff and see if it finds the right officer.  In the meantime, here is my official thanks to the blond deputy, along with a tip of the old fedora and a hoist of my afternoon bourbon glass.

Thank you, Officer.  You made our lives a lot easier and safer.

R.I.P. Hall Derkin

A friend of mine passed away last Monday (June 11, 2012).  Hall Stewart Derkin was born in the city of brotherly love on April 27, 1918.  He served in the US Army during World War II, attaining the rank of Captain.  He was married for 65 years, raised three sons and helped to raise an unknown number of grandchildren.  He owned his own business and was one of the three founders of a church; Bethany Community Fellowship in Sylvania, Ohio.

That's the facts.  Here are a few things I admired about Hall, along with a few links.